Jamesy301276: The view from the radio (?)

Last updated : 09 August 2005 By Jamesy301276

A pic of James, taken a good few seasons ago. The tank top was unforgivable, but it did cover up the shirt...

While some of us actually made the effort and made the trip up to Vicarage Road to watch the Watford v Gills match in person, there are others from our number who, for whatever reason, felt it best to "give this one a miss" and remain in sunny Kent.

One such person was our very own James Finch, aka Jamesy301276, who, like many other Gills fans on a Saturday away day, was forced to take in the game using the medium of local radio. James, probably misguidedly, opted for BBC Radio Kent's matchday coverage, which featured Jody Fielder as the commentator. Here is "The Finch's" personal, irreverent take on events this past Saturday (August 30th)...


2.59pm

Attempt to tune car radio to Radio Kent. Despite repeated attempts to save it into the radio's memory, I have never yet managed this. I may have a degree, (two in fact) but I still can't work a car stereo...


3.00pm

Kick off - come on you Gills...


3.06pm

First swear of the day, as I almost surprise myself with a bile-filled growl at the radio whilst driving down Strood High Street, frightening some poor old lady at the traffic lights, when some Icelandic divot evades a probably static defence (Yep, got it in one - Ed) to score with a header.

I can't remember anything from the rest of the half, other than the irritating woman on Radio Kent asking stupid questions of the co-commentator (hands up all those that thought she was going to ask what colour the Gills were playing in?) 'The Gills look very Gallic today in their red, white and blue'????? What are you on about love? Is red, white and blue not also on the Union Jack? Iron my shirt!


3.45pm

Half time. At least you don't have to queue for the loo or a cup of tea when you are listening to the radio.


4.05pm

Start of the second half - and it sounds as though Gills have woken up. Sadly I am now half asleep in the armchair with the cat on my lap.


4.07pm

The cat is no longer on my lap, and is currently cowering under the coffee table. The reason - well judging by the shrill tones emanating from my tranny, it appears that Paul Shaw has rounded the keeper, and yes, its in! Of course I leap up like an idiot...and of course I forget that the cat is fast asleep on my lap! Still, scratches and the drawing of blood are a small price to pay for an equaliser...


4.09pm

Headley rings me from "Estadio Strada de Vicarage", and I can just make him out from the singing Blue Army giving it plenty in the background. Just as he goes to tell me about the goal, suddenly he's screaming "Oh sh*t! Clear it!" On the radio I can hear that woman starting to shriek again, and I get a horrible sinking feeling in my stomach. Apparently a diminutive Man United reject has stolen in at the near post, perhaps by hiding behind some litter or a large leaf, and given Watford the lead again.

"Cobbl*rs!" goes the cry from this end of Rochester...

...and some choice Anglo Saxon comes down the phone from Mr. Headley.


4.17pm

The cat has forgiven me and come out of hiding. This was a very bad move on his part, as another one of his lives goes when "The Mighty Atom Mark II" (AKA Danny Spiller) pops up with a headed equaliser, again sending the cat into orbit. Once again you can hear the blue army giving it some on the radio, and trying very hard to drown out the commentary, which would be no bad thing...


4.45pm

Neil Ardley sent off? Shame...


4.52pm

Full time. Having since watched "Goals on Sunday", it really was a quality finish from the Bald One. Not too sure about the sending off though. Still, it's another away point, and a continuation of our unbeaten away record. If only we could do something similar at home. It could be that I am a Jonah, so, to test it out, I will be missing the next three home games. When I come back I expect us to to be top of the league.

It's nice to dream...


Man of the Match:

It sounded like Paul Shaw, from what I could understand of the commentary and what Headley told me. So Baldy gets the nod.


Do you fancy writing an alternative match report on a Gills match? Wherever you are, however you get your weekly fix of Gills action, send your alternative match reports to us at editor@gills365.co.uk