The Dugout Diaries: Gills v Portsmouth
Apologies to all you who were waiting for the Oldham write up. To be honest nothing much happened. Which is good as what a feast of action we had last night!
This is a first for the Diaries as we have four separate chapters with the game going into extra time.
It wasn’t that long ago that Portsmouth were in the same league as us. How Milan’s money changed all that.
FIRST HALF
Alain Perrin took his place in the away dugout. Looked like he’s had the Portsmouth youth team shining his shoes for the last week. They had an amazing sheen on them! I wouldn’t be surprised if he uses them to look up ladies skirts. The cheeky chap!
Not as much of a cheeky chap, coach Joe Jordan was by his side barking orders left, right and centre and every mistake. He bullied everyone from the players to the officials all night.
Matty Jarvis’ missed from a shot right in front of the goal which brought a howl of disbelief from Neale, “Got to fookin’ get it on target from there!”
Contrary to the belief of most around me, the first Portsmouth goal was not offside as Chris Hope played Dario Silva on. Luckily the gentleman sitting behind me reiterated this to the assembled E blockers already hurling abuse at the linesman.
Darren Byfield then returned to the field in time to take the ball of Taylor and slot the ball past Ashdown for our equaliser. The Portsmouth bench is incensed, complaining that he hadn’t been waved back on. Perrin‘s French assistant was facing up to the fourth official shouting obscenities. Joe Jordan was calling the referee a “fookin’ pr*ck” I was growing to dislike Portsmouth’s bully boy tactics even more.
SECOND HALF
The half was barely 2 minutes old when Brent Sancho allegedly brought down Gary O’Neill in the box for a penalty. From where I, and everyone on the home bench were sitting, Sancho cleared the ball.
Byfield broke up the other end and the shot came off the post and into the goal via the back/arm of Ashdown. Ronnie is off like a jack in the box. The upset was now on the cards. Ronnie made sure that Leon brought the defenders out ten yards so as not to get caught too deep. Don’t want to lose it this late on!
Chris Hope and Hess were both substituted. Hopey injured his hip clearing the ball. Hess ran out of gas after another battling performance.
Heading towards the final whistle, time wasting tactics were being employed...by the Gordon Road Stand crowd, holding onto the ball when it was a Pompey throw in, much to the delight of Neale.
Then disaster! Another penalty. Thankfully this time the ball failed to find the target.
The whistle blew for full time, and the Dugout Diaries entered uncharted territories!
EXTRA TIME: FIRST HALF
Gills start where they left off attacking the Pompey goalmouth. Crofts finds space in the area and slots the ball home for the winner. The bench are in raptures.
Joe Jordan, who had been shouting at everything that moved was still complaining about something or another, when a wag in E block told him to sit down and shut up. If looks could kill we would have had a massacre in the Medway Stand!
EXTRA TIME: SECOND HALF
More moaning and complaining from the Portsmouth bench when Bye Bye’s goes down under a challenge. Perrin’s French lap dog was moaning like a Parisian waiter “’ee should be stretchered off if ee ees injured! Just played for time like ee did in zee first ‘alf!” (Accent courtesy of ‘Allo Allo!).
The final whistle goes! That’s it. Job done!!
Heckle of the day:
As Salif Diao is subbed a wag in the E block shouts, “That’s it Diao, keep taking the money while you can mate. You were sh*te!”
Quotes of the Day:
“Merde!” Perrin after the Gills 1st goal
“Merde!” Perrin after the Gills 2nd goal
“Merde!” Perrin after the Gills 3rd goal.
Carling Cup Football?… It’s the new Ashes!
Doug... Out!